I’ll start by saying that I know all about Muslim bans. I’m an expert. All the Muslim bans, I know everything about them. My knowledge is tremendous, and it is great, and I’m going to make America great, so everyone should listen to me.
A related point: Mr. Trump is wrong. Wrong! He thinks that a Muslim ban will keep America safe. But this isn’t the right way to put America first. Mr. Trump isn’t thinking about the ways that his ban will hurt America itself. Such a nasty man, not thinking about the welfare of his citizens. And not just the Muslim citizens, either, whom — I get it — he doesn’t love. Mr. Trump’s Muslim ban is a disaster for the American economy, since it keeps out the immigrants who do important jobs, and encourages companies and countries not to do business with us. Sad!
Like I said: a disaster. Very weak. A lightweight move.
Small U.S. towns have welcomed refugees who take jobs that improve the communities, and it’s terrible — big-league — to ruin these towns’ economic systems by getting rid of their workers. The New York Times, which isn’t fake news, published an article about Rutland, Vermont, one of these towns: “This shrinking city, long removed from its heyday as a marble producer and regional railroad hub, needs every new resident it can get. Syrian refugees… are an opportunity.” When refugees join the working population, they work for big business factories, and then the economy gets huge. We start winning. Right now, we need refugees, and Mr. Trump isn’t giving us refugees. Demand is up and supply is down. Refugees are a tremendous commodity. It’s stupid business.
And then what happens after we get rid of the refugees? The big business factories don’t have enough workers to stay open in America, so they ship jobs to Mexico. General Electric has factories in Rutland — and right now, those factories are very low-energy, not enough workers at all, very sad. Now, GE is a great company. One of the best companies. It’s fantastic. But if it can’t afford to stay in Rutland, it will move its factories to places where there are a lot of losers who are begging to work for cheap. And that’s Mexico. That’s China. Now, Trump can’t blame a classy company like GE for wanting to make money. But Trump can blame himself for refusing to bring workers into the United States who will make it worthwhile for GE to keep its factories here.
It’s not just the losers who work in factories who he’s keeping out, though; it’s also the smart people who come from the Middle East and do important science work for the U.S. We’re America. We want to win the race for the best technology. And we are winning, because we have the smartest people. But that’s because we ship the smartest people from all over the world to Washington, D.C. so that they can work for us. Some of those smart people are from the Middle East. A huge percentage of Middle Eastern immigrants — almost half — work in management, business, science, and arts. 60% of our engineers are foreign-born. These immigrants are coming here to make America great. All the smart people are immigrants! Steve Jobs’s father? Syrian refugee. Farouk El-Baz, one of the great guys who was essential to the Apollo moon landings? Arab-American. Superman! Superman was an immigrant from the planet Krypton! Superman made terrific contributions to American culture. We need to bring in the smartest people, not keep them out.
The smartest people will start going to other countries, and then those countries will not only have the smartest people, but the smartest people will make those countries think that we’re weak. It looks bad to reject all these smart people. It makes us seem scared. And we’re not scared — we’re tough. But the smart people don’t know that, so they’ll see us keeping them out and think, “What a bunch of lightweights! They’re scared of great guys like us! Their security is so bad that they can’t tell who’s a great guy and who’s a radical Islamic terrorist! SAD!” And then the smart people will go to new countries and invent terrific things and get themselves good reputations. So their governments will trust the smart people and decide that America is full of weak morons.
Once those governments don’t like us, they won’t do business with us, either. Britain, France, Canada, Germany, Australia, and Turkey have already said that they think the ban is for losers. Great countries like those don’t like to trade with losers. Right now, we make billions trading with these countries. It’s stupid to throw away billions. It’s not a beautiful thing to throw away billions. It’s terrible business to give countries a reason to stop trading with us.
Of course, there are other reasons to stop the ban: it’s a humanitarian disaster, it’s giving legitimacy to crazy alt-right ideas, immigrants have made America great since the country’s founding. But I know that those reasons don’t matter to Mr. Trump. He thinks that money is all that’s important to America. Money and pride. It’s stupid to tell him about the moral repercussions; he thinks that they’re bullshit for morons. So I won’t mention them here.
Really, the thing that we need to remember is that the Muslim ban is bad for America. Bad for the economy. Every time we turn away an immigrant, we’re taking a fistful of cash and handing it to the losers in Mexico. It won’t even help national security; the main terrorist countries — Egypt, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan — are ones that Trump left off the banned list because he’s doing business with them. So if it’s bad business to keep out real terrorists, isn’t it even worse business to keep out innocent people? SAD!
A related point: Mr. Trump is wrong. Wrong! He thinks that a Muslim ban will keep America safe. But this isn’t the right way to put America first. Mr. Trump isn’t thinking about the ways that his ban will hurt America itself. Such a nasty man, not thinking about the welfare of his citizens. And not just the Muslim citizens, either, whom — I get it — he doesn’t love. Mr. Trump’s Muslim ban is a disaster for the American economy, since it keeps out the immigrants who do important jobs, and encourages companies and countries not to do business with us. Sad!
Like I said: a disaster. Very weak. A lightweight move.
Small U.S. towns have welcomed refugees who take jobs that improve the communities, and it’s terrible — big-league — to ruin these towns’ economic systems by getting rid of their workers. The New York Times, which isn’t fake news, published an article about Rutland, Vermont, one of these towns: “This shrinking city, long removed from its heyday as a marble producer and regional railroad hub, needs every new resident it can get. Syrian refugees… are an opportunity.” When refugees join the working population, they work for big business factories, and then the economy gets huge. We start winning. Right now, we need refugees, and Mr. Trump isn’t giving us refugees. Demand is up and supply is down. Refugees are a tremendous commodity. It’s stupid business.
And then what happens after we get rid of the refugees? The big business factories don’t have enough workers to stay open in America, so they ship jobs to Mexico. General Electric has factories in Rutland — and right now, those factories are very low-energy, not enough workers at all, very sad. Now, GE is a great company. One of the best companies. It’s fantastic. But if it can’t afford to stay in Rutland, it will move its factories to places where there are a lot of losers who are begging to work for cheap. And that’s Mexico. That’s China. Now, Trump can’t blame a classy company like GE for wanting to make money. But Trump can blame himself for refusing to bring workers into the United States who will make it worthwhile for GE to keep its factories here.
It’s not just the losers who work in factories who he’s keeping out, though; it’s also the smart people who come from the Middle East and do important science work for the U.S. We’re America. We want to win the race for the best technology. And we are winning, because we have the smartest people. But that’s because we ship the smartest people from all over the world to Washington, D.C. so that they can work for us. Some of those smart people are from the Middle East. A huge percentage of Middle Eastern immigrants — almost half — work in management, business, science, and arts. 60% of our engineers are foreign-born. These immigrants are coming here to make America great. All the smart people are immigrants! Steve Jobs’s father? Syrian refugee. Farouk El-Baz, one of the great guys who was essential to the Apollo moon landings? Arab-American. Superman! Superman was an immigrant from the planet Krypton! Superman made terrific contributions to American culture. We need to bring in the smartest people, not keep them out.
The smartest people will start going to other countries, and then those countries will not only have the smartest people, but the smartest people will make those countries think that we’re weak. It looks bad to reject all these smart people. It makes us seem scared. And we’re not scared — we’re tough. But the smart people don’t know that, so they’ll see us keeping them out and think, “What a bunch of lightweights! They’re scared of great guys like us! Their security is so bad that they can’t tell who’s a great guy and who’s a radical Islamic terrorist! SAD!” And then the smart people will go to new countries and invent terrific things and get themselves good reputations. So their governments will trust the smart people and decide that America is full of weak morons.
Once those governments don’t like us, they won’t do business with us, either. Britain, France, Canada, Germany, Australia, and Turkey have already said that they think the ban is for losers. Great countries like those don’t like to trade with losers. Right now, we make billions trading with these countries. It’s stupid to throw away billions. It’s not a beautiful thing to throw away billions. It’s terrible business to give countries a reason to stop trading with us.
Of course, there are other reasons to stop the ban: it’s a humanitarian disaster, it’s giving legitimacy to crazy alt-right ideas, immigrants have made America great since the country’s founding. But I know that those reasons don’t matter to Mr. Trump. He thinks that money is all that’s important to America. Money and pride. It’s stupid to tell him about the moral repercussions; he thinks that they’re bullshit for morons. So I won’t mention them here.
Really, the thing that we need to remember is that the Muslim ban is bad for America. Bad for the economy. Every time we turn away an immigrant, we’re taking a fistful of cash and handing it to the losers in Mexico. It won’t even help national security; the main terrorist countries — Egypt, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan — are ones that Trump left off the banned list because he’s doing business with them. So if it’s bad business to keep out real terrorists, isn’t it even worse business to keep out innocent people? SAD!
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